Growing children and strong girlhood

Last year when the younger one turned 6 and entered first grade, I had a sudden realization that my cute little chubby toddlers are now big kids, no longer chubby or small enough to fit into my arms and shoulders in an embrace.  I felt a strong nostalgia for their young chubby arms and little selves and used their toddler photos for my laptop background. 

This year as the older one is turning 9 on her birthday in the end of June, I started looking for gifts when a friend suggested a website A Mighty Girl. It came just in time since the website recommends materials that empower the girls.  Yesterday after a week of busy conferencing and meetings I finally settle down to decide on the gifts for my soon-to-be-9-yr-old, which feels like crossing a big threshold. In literature category, she now fits "Pre-teen (9-12)".  As a third-grader, she has had a lot of new issues regarding friendship, bully, and girl/boy differences.  I found this title A Smart Girl's Guide To Friendship Trouble.  Yesterday when I checked the Mighty Girl website to select titles, this was the first choice, and I also found lots of other titles that can be helpful. Somehow this post doesn't allow me to paste more titles with web addresses right now.

Today I saw a friend post a music video with images of her little girl with her and her husband. I just watched the original music video Never Grow Up with the 8-yr-old and my tears couldn't stop -- that mother and daughter feeling of protecting her from any harm wrestles with the reality that she needs to grow up and have her own life. Eventually I wiped my tears and just said to her I guess just not to grow up too fast, and she said I love you.

Transitions III -- Thankful, Thankful!

Finally we're out of that pestilential space plagued by the owners' greed and bully. There are still follow-ups with that place etc. (cleaning, moving small scattering stuff and our bikes, dealing with issues) but at last we are out of there. What a relief!

The movers came on time, arriving at 10:25am (scheduled for 10-10:30). They estimated to finish in 4 hours, 2 to load and 2 to unload. They said townhouse is hard to get in because of the turns with tight stairwells. Two of them are experienced and very tall (for our standard). Eventually they lifted most of the big stuff to the second floor balcony so the queen mattress and big book shelf didn't have to go through such turns etc. When they finished in 4 hours, I praised the accuracy of the estimate, and he said it's luck, because the other experienced one came instead of a preassigned young and small mover, who would not have been able to do the lifting and picking up (what they called throw) through the second floor balcony. So cool!

What we appreciated first and foremost is that now each room has temperature control, and we no longer have to worry about kids walking or talking bothering downstairs. SO thankful that we cannot stop appreciating it. This way we're able to use our living room and other space much more than before, since in that old place most of the time we huddled in the kitchen where it was the warmest. I'm also really glad to get out of the suburbial neighborhood to move into a much more community-based place. The board of directors came by to say hi, and one introduced the kids to play together. We really look forward to being part of the community here, and I really look forward to gardening! I hope for once we'll be able to have lavender at our place.

Transitions

We have felt quite unsettled for years through graduate schools, 3-yr posts, and the attempts to find a place to settle instead of looking for places every other year in this expensive coastal city. Years of graduate schools and postdoctoral studies leave us no real savings, and without a very large downpayment it is impossible to become homeowners here. 

Last year we thought we found a place that we wouldn't have to move for at least a couple years. The landlord expressed the wish for us to stay long-term, and said he would not increase rent. We therefore invested much to buy the paint, painted the place (see older posts), bought organic products to deordorize the strong dog smell that plagued the place and spent hours and days cleaning the space. 

However, we learnt the problems of multiple-unit rental house living the hard way. There are two kitchens in two rental units downstairs. Because all units' heat vents are connected, whatever smell from the downstairs cooking would all drift into our bedrooms, washrooms, and living space. We had to hurry to block the vents, or our towels and rooms would all smell like whatever other tenants were cooking. The house was not designed to be separated, so there was not enough hot water for 3 units to use, and a lot of sounds are audible around the house. During our quiet hours after kids go to bed at 9pm, we could hear the downstairs talk even though they were not loud at all, and they found our kids loud because the floor really did not block any sound. During winter months, low-efficiency heat did not reach the downstairs or upstairs corner rooms, while our kitchen and study were over heated, the downstairs complained about being cold. 

Private owner can be great, okay, or just bad. The one we had was nice on the appearance, and quite the opposite inside. He provoked animosities between units as a way to push off his responsibilities and make people pay extra heat charges. When downstairs complained about being cold, he asked us to block some of our vents to make the heat go downstairs, while we paid 50% of heating cost and can't get our corner rooms warm. After we blocked the vents and he set the heat control, when the downstairs complained about being cold again he accused us of not being cooperative by not blocking our vents or changing his temperature control in our unit -- we didn't change it, but the temperature detector read it as warmer when there were human activities in the space. He, his screaming wife (we heard her scream at him before downstairs, at a young tenant before downstairs, and then on the phone to us when other tenants were in our living room) and his dad all came over to ring and made us speak to them and downstairs tenants in order to make it out to be all our responsibilities. When we told him we didn't change the control or unblock the vents, the couple kept pressuring. The downstairs neighbors came to speak to us later to say they understood it's not our responsibility, but the landlord's to ensure proper distribution of heat. When they saw he had no wish to solve problem other than pushing the responsibility on us, they all moved out. 

After long months of housing hunting, thanks to my colleagues and friends who provided suggestions and support, we finally found a place of our dream -- somewhere we can afford, and stay long-term, and do not need to worry about scheming and badmouthing landlord, screaming landlady, or downstairs complaints about kids while we could even hear downstairs alarm go off.

This owner couple were very pleased that we left before the contract ended like all other tenants, because they immediately posted the ad and raised the rent by $200. We are very grateful because if it weren't for this horrific experience we would not have found the housing alternative that just works out so wonderfully.

We have lots of transitions -- moving again when we didn't plan to, and transferring kids back to the last school. But hopefully this move is really towards where we settle for a quite long while with kindness and friendship around!

The children who chase lost voices 追逐繁星的孩子

During the first Family Day long weekend, we watched The Children Who Chased Lost Voices from Deep Below or Journey to Agartha 追逐繁星的孩子. The kids started running away whenever Iroku revealed themselves. Iroku is the creature made of remains of passive thoughts from human who lived in the underworld of Agartha. To me it is so beautifully made -- the rich texture of the underworld city (inspired by the Tibetan and other cultures) and natural landscape and the stars.

The intensity of Asuna and Mr. Morisaki's desire to reunite with their lost loved ones is moving -- the never-ending question of the distance between human minds, the loss, and the gap of life and death that human beings have to face living in this world.

I also really like the mountain town in which Asuna lives -- makes me nostalgic for the days when factories and pollution didn't take over.

The kids are a bit perplexed. The younger one keeps wondering about what is what, esp. the loss Mr. Morisaki had to face. But it was to be expected that if you ask for something that is not supposed to be and doesn't belong to you, you pay a price. That's why Asuna, the best of all of us, had to learn to say goodbye, is it? Going on a journey to reconcile with the past and loss in this film is special for the world underneath us.

The 6-yr-old said he was scared when people died, like the first boy. The 8-yr-old doesn't like it because it's bloody with beautiful pictures, not her kind of movie. She likes peaceful movies.

The Eve before Chinese New Year's Eve

Before Chinese New Year, it is important to 1) clean 2) cook.

1. Clean:

• each person cleans out their own bedroom
• 6-yr-old and 8-yr-old one washroom each & together tidy up living room & study 
• vacuum floors: 6-yr-old in charge, 8-yr-old assist
• daddy & mommy clean up kitchen

2. Cook:

• roast vegetables to make yummy soup: pumpkin, turnips, onions, beets, carrots, acorn squash, celery, eggplant
• bake chicken 

Star Wars

Over the Christmas holidays we stayed up very late, watching Star Wars or playing Quirkle, 6-yr-old's Christmas gifts from us and from Chinese Classics teacher, together. We went to bed later and later at night, and got up close to noon during the second half of the winter break.

We saw the friends whose younger girl was the only one light enough for me to pick up among the kids' friends. I asked her if she would go home with me because she's so cute, and she said she will not go home with me :( I was so happy to pick her up again, but the 6-yr-old wasn't gonna have it. After I let her down, he came over to sit on my lap, not letting me get up or leaving space for anyone else. The kids act like this every now and then -- they suddenly get jealous about certain things, but generous with other things.

The 6-yr-old has looked for Star Wars books to read, and engaged us in conversation about Star Wars all the time since the winter break. Recently, when they complain or get jealous, I would start doing a Yoda and reminding them: "Jealousy leads to frustration, frustration leads to anger, anger leads to violence, which leads to the path down the dark side..." The kids would start acting up about this, sometimes smiling but always asking me to stop. I've also used the same formula on their homework. When they succeed in learning new things, I would remind them: "Practice leads to success, success leads to confidence, and confidence leads to more practice, more practice leads to more success, and more success leads to more confidence, and that's the path leading to the bright side." They are happier to hear about it though not very patient with the articulation.

Kids Talk Summer 2012

Angry Bird
The young kindergartener went to visit paternal grandparents and uncles with his dad, and brought back 2 stuff-animal Angry birds that screech like the video game ones. The 2nd-grader was happy to get hers and they played with those in their room. Suddenly there was crying from the room, and when we checked with the kids, the 2nd-grader wailed:

He said I was a green pig, so he threw an angry bird at my head!

Cat
Soon-to-be 1st-grader:
Nonie (Snowball, the 13-yr-old white fluffy cat) only goes to washroom, eats, walks, and sleeps, and don't do anything else. What she needs is Homework!

Hi-er
The kids like to say hi to people. They once sat at the side door of minivan while waiting for the ferry, and waved hi to every car that past us to join the waiting line. Some people were happily surprised as they drove by and turned from their steering wheel to say hi back.
Today when we walked through downtown from library back home, the soon-to-be third grader waved  hi to the tourists on the carriages, and one of them waved back.
Soon-to-be 1st-grader:
"She says hi to everyone. She is a hi-er!"

Psychic test

This test was from someone's blog. After a day of meetings I was tired and thought the answers were hard to come up with so didn't want to do it. But after a shower I had the answers. So here are the questions:


1. In the order starting with your favorite, what are 3 of your favorite animals and why?
2. After a long and arduous journey, you come upon a wall that blocks your way, and there's no place to back into, what would you do?
3. Your feeling about ocean.
4. Your feeling about coffee.

The answer to the questions is:
1. Each animal represents 1) the impression you wish to give people; 2) the real impression you give people; 3) your real self.
2. How you face death.
3. How you view life.
4. How you feel about sex.

My answer was
1. 1) dolphin, smart and cute; 2) snow leopard, noble, beautiful mysterious and enduring high mountain snow and harsh environment; 3) whale, beautiful, strong, an important part of ecosystem.
2. break the wall that blocks way.
3. I wrote about what ocean makes me feel in this article, basically the tides come in and go, sun rises and sets, but all heroes and villains once dominating human history are washed away by tides of time, so nothing in the mundane world is worth obsessed with or hanging on to.
4. Coffee's aroma has a unique charm, enjoy the smell whenever there is, but can live without it.

In any case, I don't think I give anyone the impression of how I feel about snow leopard.

Salmon Run and Life etc.

Every time when we take walks by the seashore, watching the tides washing ashore, I always think about the poem in that previous post, the opening poem of the Tales of the Three Nations:

Rolling long river of Yangtzu vanishes into the east
Its tides washing away all heroes
All the right, wrong, success and failure all vanish in a blink of an eye
The green mountains remains
How many times have the red sun set?


....
However many things happening in the past and present
all but tales in chats

In that case, is there still any obsession thing we should hold on to? This song keeps ringing in my ears during my every seashore walk.

Then we saw the salmon run.

It is something we know that salmons do, for a long long time from books. Seeing it live, though, is completely different. All these salmons have been tracing back their roots since the summer in the ocean to make it this far in the mountain rivers. We witnessed first-hand their struggles to go upstream, many places where they've had to flip, being washed back in the rush current, and continued on their journey. A few already died and, according to the park service, in one month the whole valley will stink of all their bodies. Another visitor commented that these still look relatively healthy, since they have not reached their end. But some of the salmons have lost lots of skin, and it is really amazing how they keep go on without any hesitation. Once they lay eggs, they meet their end and die.

With the end so near, they keep going on. It amazed me and left me in awe.

So other than leaving behind offsprings, is there some meaning in their long and strenuous journey, amazing as it is? As part of a complete cycle in an ecosystem, they dutifully performed their roles, however hard it is. Is it because human beings deviates from such paths that we think so much and believe that we have/explore some other reasons for being here?

I wondered and wondered when we watched these salmons continue upstream. And then of course I wonder if I simple think too much about it.

New Place, New Life

It's been a month since starting the new job and 1.5 months since moving to the island.

It does not cease to amaze me that 5-minute walk takes us to the ocean side -- there are trails along the cliff over the ocean front, rocky edge of the cliff, and small patches mixed or rocky and sandy beach. Really enjoy the most amazing view of tides and sunset that is never the same every day. The colonial style buildings are so intricately ornate.

20 years ago I was visiting the island for half a day and decided that this is where, and now this is indeed where my family would like to settle. Love the alpine trees against the sky.

Watching the tides ebb and flow reminded me of the opening poem to the classic The Tales of the Three Nations:

三國演義卷頭詞(開卷詩)

滾滾長江東逝水，浪花淘盡英雄。是非成敗轉頭空，青山依舊在，幾度夕陽紅？
白髮漁樵江渚上，慣看秋月春風。一壺濁酒喜相逢，古今多少事，都付笑談中。

"All the right, wrong, success, and failure all disappear upon the turning of head."

Watching the tides ebb and flow, the sun rises and sets, it just keeps reminding me to open up and broaden my mind, since nothing lasts forever and we can only do our best on a daily basis.

Fortunately at work both people I trust to take advice from keep reminding me not to overextend myself or take away time from family.

As settling into the position, I'm learning about new challenges, while feeling a different level of command and sense of responsibility for the larger communities.

The new chapter begins.

New Move

It has been an amazing journey during the past half an year. After the highly stressful year of job search for both me and hubby, we both started interviewing in May, knowing that we had to move by the end of July. After some trips, I started the intensive exams, which eventually led to my job in this beautiful tourist city on the Pacific northwest coast, where I always wanted to be.

As best friend was saying, it's not just what the job can do, but also what nice, diverse, and constructive environment we can provide our kids with by moving to such a place.

There are many things about this move. These days as we wait for our belongings to come with the mover, we have to do all the lovely things necessary for relocating into a new country and place. Whenever we are free, there are so many places to walk around here in this popular tourist town. It feels like the town was taken over by tourist every each of the street during daytime till late at night during the summer. I've never lived in a popular tourist location that it is all new to me. Kids rather enjoy all the seaside entertainment and even bought a painting on site, where the artist offered soon-to-be-kindergartener special price.

Living in downtown area makes it more noisy. But we enjoy the convenience of easy access to grocery store, harbour, oceanfront, downtown shops, and of course work. Hopefully hubby will find a job soon after kids start school, and hope that kids will get into the school behind my work place, and that all goes well.

New life!